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But making friends as an adult is more like seeing the gynecologist. Where do you start without resorting to combing loud bars filled with people who are actually as young as you feel but who look like middle schoolers? I can't guarantee you won't feel like you're about to get the speculum or that you won't fall on your face and spill something that stains on something really expensive.
But the actually doing it...well, it's about as fun as a brief encounter with a freezing cold speculum while your panties are in a wad on a plastic chair in a freezing cold (and poorly lit) office. OK, so maybe I'm being dramatic, but unless you're one of those natural social butterflies or one of the rare birds who still regularly hangs out with all your high school friends, finding new people is tough. Even science has looked at the issue of adult friendships and found that without serious work, it's basically all downhill once you hit your late 20s.
Megan S., a 30-year-old physician’s assistant, hasn’t made a new friend since grad school.
“Now that I’ve moved across the country, it’s back to the start,” she told me after we matched on Hey Vina! While it may seem ironic (or worse, ridiculously millennial) to seek pals via our phones, we need all the help we can get: The average adult hasn’t added to their circle in five years, a new study found. As soon as you leave school, “you lose that naturally occurring community…except for your workplace,” says clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior, Ph D, author of Now that you’re older and in need of a new tribe, “you don’t know how to do it,” says Bonior.
But, IMHO these have helped me snag new members for my grown-up tribe.
I mean, if you have to go meet strangers, they might as well be strangers who share your same interests.
Or even if you’re crazy outgoing, you have other obligations—your career, partner, family, hobbies—sucking up time, so forming fresh bonds isn’t a priority.
It’s a shame, given that a slew of research shows that the quality of your social ties has a huge impact on your happiness and health.
I've had several buddies that never reach-out and the friendship fades away.Compliment others, tell someone a moment when you thought about them when they were not around, scan for traits to like in people you meet, share if someone made you see something in a new light, and show enthusiasm when greeting people. When someone does reject them, they know that it doesn’t mean anything about who they are.They are also not quick to assume rejection in an ambiguous circumstance.It’s easy to get bitter and feel as if others should be reaching out to you, but that kind of strategy might just leave you bitter.